Testing 1,2,3 Testing
by CJzilla
Summary: Just some short blurbs, I dreamed up about various occurrences in the Test household.
1. Static

Konnichiwa New York! Konban wa London! Ohayo Tokyo! This is CJzilla here trying her hand at "drabbling"... Let the experimentation begin! (CJzilla slaps goggles over her eyes and pulls lever. A wave of electricity blew down from the lightning rod on the roof and flies into a device. CJzilla hops off of her platform and takes a lightning enhanced grilled cheese sandwich out of microwave)

IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!

So please honorable FanFiction Land surfers... read. (CJzilla bows honorably)

CJzilla owns nothing pretaining to Johnny Test or WB... CJzilla does own your reviews and sanity!

Ah, morning. The pleasant time of the day when everything begins anew and starts to function… Funny how no one cares on the weekdays! It was the weekend baby, and every kid in Porkbelly was stirring!

Saturday morning cartoons were calling out to the brain of a certain spiky headed Johnny Test. The eleven-year-old sprinted into the living room with little regards for his slumbering family still tucked away in their beds. Flying across the carpet, Johnny worked up enough static electricity to power a small city. With the electricity crackling in his ears and blond hair frizzing to awesome proportions, Johnny looked around for his "zap victim" which just so happened to be a snoozing Dukey, sawing logs on his fluffy dog bed.

"(Zzzzz) Why, yes, Lassie, I'd love another bite of the world's biggest, dirt-covered hotdog while you scratch behind my ears… (Snore)," Dukey mumbled in his sleep, flopping around as he nibbled on his pillow.

There was a twinge of guilt Johnny felt when he saw how much fun his best friend's dream was, perhaps he should let the sleeping dog lie… Nah, why fight it?! Like any cold-hearted boy, Johnny extended his forefinger, reached down to Dukey's nice, wet nose, and…

"**YEEEOW**!" Dukey shrieked as 10,000 volts of pure satanic static electricity met his sensitive nose.

The tan-brown lab-mix flew off of his pillow and sailed across the room. The talking dog came to a rude stop when he flew out the living room's open bay window and into the family's rose bushes. Johnny was doubled over, laughing his head off as he walked to the window. The blond heard Dukey whimpering as he was probably aware of every single thorn in those bushes. Poking his head over the ledge of the window, Johnny saw his best friend peeling himself carefully out of the thorny shrubs.

"'Mornin' Dukey!" Johnny cheered, hands in the air.

Dukey looked up to see the beaming face of his best-_human_-companion. The mutt growled.

"_Johnny_! **Ow**! You puddin' brained, -**Ow**- goggled-eyed, -**Ow- dope**!" Dukey snarled, trying to gently get out of the rose bushes without too much blood-loss. "I should have known it was you! OW!"

Johnny shrugged, cocky smirk plastered onto his eleven-year-old face.

"Think of this as pay back Dukey… For, oh, I dunno… You remember last Monday morning? You woke me up in a similar fashion," he pointed out.

Dukey was three-quarters of the way out of the bushes and he was trying to get his ears untangled from the bushes' thorny vines.

"No WAY!" the dog returned. "What I did to you last Monday was _nothing_ compared to _THIS_!!"

"I beg to differ Duke-ster," Johnny retorted eyes narrowed. "You shook up a bottle of soda, pulled off the top and stuck it under my blankets!"

Dukey suddenly laughed.

"Yeah, that was a good one," the dog giggled, pulling his foot out of the bush.

"I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO SHOWER!" Johnny shouted, hands in the air. "Do you know how sticky I was? Or how chaffed my bottom was after going a full seven hours in school, with soda in my undies?!"

"Hey, you should be thanking me," Dukey folded his arms indignantly. "If I hadn't of gotten you outta bed, your dad would have given you a prison sentence for not getting up on time. I… am… hurt that you think of me as that desperate for a laugh!"

"Dukey!" Johnny flailed his arms. "Soda! In my bed! Soaking my tushy! There's easier ways of getting me outta bed."

Dukey gave his fur a shake and then jumped on the window-seal.

"Then how would I get my sick kicks?" the dog responded with a sly smile as he hopped back into the house. "Now, why are you up this early?"

Johnny looked at his dog and shook his head.

"Dukey, it's Saturday. As in cartoons for the whole morning!" the blond grabbed Dukey by the ears and gave him a liberal shake.

Dukey's mouth dropped open.

"The stinkin' sun's not even out Johnny!!" the dog pointed out the window. "Cartoons don't start for _yet_!! All you're gonna watch is paid programming for the next _three_ hours!!"

Johnny shrugged, plopping down of the floor and flicking on the TV.

"This is pure, unadulterated Johnny and TV time," the eleven-year-old gestured dramatically as the TV's limelight lit the room. "It's nothin' but my brain and the TV morphing into one living mass. Beautiful ain't it?"

Dukey made a nauseated face.

"Well, the first whiff of stink from you and the TV and you're outta here," the dog stated, throwing his thumb over his shoulder like a baseball umpire.

With that Dukey shuffled back to his pillow, circled two times and then fell down in a heap. He closed his eyes to the sounds of the poorly produced paid programming commercials and Johnny's brain matter relaxing into mush.

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R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!

R


	2. The Unsneaky Invisible Boy

Ohayo Motherhopers! CJzilla here slamming out another chappy to "Testing 1,2,3 Testing"! Now the title of this chapter is pretty self-explanatory. Johnny's invisible but can't seem to scare up any fun for himself. Enjoy!

As I rampage all over this city, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love on me or hate on me... Don't care.

The Unsneaky Invisible Boy

Johnny moved like a shadow around his home. Bounding over furniture, hiding in cabinets and somersaulting through the halls, the boy went undetected by his family as they carried on their day-to-day lives. He knew where every squeak in the floor was, where there were potted plants to hide behind, furniture to jump on to muffle the all ready minute sounds he was making.

In his most recent caper, Johnny was completely invisible.

Moving into the living room as silent and as graceful as a windblown curtain, Johnny Test spotted his father. For once the hyper-active neat-freak/homemaker/cook/disciplinarian was sitting still. Paging through the day's paper, shoes off and feet propped up comfortably on the couch, it almost appeared that the man was a normal father figure.

Johnny's mind suddenly took a turn for the darker side as he quietly approached his relaxing father. The man before Johnny was known as the Party Killer, the Movie Buster, the Candy Nazi, the Fun Zapper and the Unfair Curfew Enforcer. Johnny had more than his fair share of all of those uncool facets in his father's arsenal. Revenge was a dish best served icy cold.

There was something about scaring a powerful authority figure. Freaking out a parental-unit was likened to a glorious rush of sugar, adrenaline and endorphins all piled into one moment of sweet revenge. A harmless spook yet oh so satisfying to see the victim's eyes widen with surprise followed by the classic "heart grab" and concluded by the universal "You-almost-gave-me-a-heart-attack!" reaction.

Johnny mentally prepared himself for the totally excellent moment to come when he'd simply make his presence known. The blond held in a huge laugh but took a huge breath and…

"HI DAD!" he shouted.

Johnny waited for his father to jump into the air. For sure he'd jumped too high so that his body would meet the ceiling in one rude "thud", then he'd fall back onto his couch, paper gently floating onto his dazed face. But… Nothing happened.

"Inside voice Johnny," his father remarked, eyes half open as he flipped lazily through his paper.

Johnny was still waiting for his scare to sink in and he hovered there for one intense second before reality set in.

"A-… Aren't you going to get scared?!" Johnny exclaimed. "No girl scream or embarrassing accident?!"

"Nope," his dad popped his lips, eyes reading a sports article.

Johnny was hurt that his perfect scare had no effect on his father.

"_What_?! _Why_?!" he nearly exploded. "Susan and Mary made me _completely_ invisible! I'm perfectly quiet and perfectly invisible! You'd have to be either totally stupid or totally immune to all surprises to _not_ be sacred!!"

With his little shouting episode done, Johnny stood there as rigid as a board seeming to have popped a brain synapse over the matter. Johnny's father set down his newspaper, swung his legs to the floor and looking into the seemingly empty air before him.

"Johnny," he set his hands on his hips, a sure sign there was a lecture coming on. "I live in close proximity to three children, two being super-geniuses and the other being a boy, I have gotten used to loud and sudden sounds. Hardly anything shocks me anymore."

"Oh," Johnny blinked. "Then I guess you wouldn't be alarmed at all when I tell you that Susan and Mary gave me a temporary tattoo that enables invisibility."

The blond haired boy's innocent remark sent an angry twitch to his father's eye.

"Susan and Mary… gave you a… **WHAT**?!" he yelled. "_No son of mine will have a hooligan symbol on his body! Not even a temporary one_!!"

Johnny was long gone, running for his life and out of the living room. At that moment, he was thankful that he was invisible as his dad was in hot pursuit, probably ready to tear the temp tattoo clean off of his arm. Ducking under the dining table, Johnny held his breath as he watched his dad come racing into the room.

"Johnny! _Get your butt out here_!" he roared.

Not even if he was hiding in a cobra's hole would Johnny come out.

The crazed father grabbed a broom from his cleaning closet and took it in his grasp.

"You can run Johnny Test! But you can't hide!" Johnny's father beat on his chest like he was invoking some child hunt. "_I WILL FIND YOU_!"

Johnny held in a scream of terror as his father dashed out of the kitchen, searching for him. Better get while the getting's good. Johnny flew toward the door.

Once outside, the blond could breathe a sigh of relief. At least out here he'd be harder for his homicidal dad to find. Creeping around the outside of the house, careful to avoid windows, though it probably wouldn't matter because he was invisible, Johnny made his way to the back yard. His eyes came to a napping Dukey, who fell asleep in the sun's warm rays.

Again Johnny's mind fogged over with an evil thought. Tiptoeing over to his furry best friend, Johnny pounced on the dog digging his fingers in the mutt's ribs. _**That**_ would have scared anything!

With a yawn, Dukey opened up his eyes.

"Oh, hey Johnny," the dog stretched.

Again, the perfect scare evaded Johnny. The invisible boy was slack jawed as he watched Dukey roll off of his back and stand.

"What's up? You seem tense," Dukey observed, scratching behind his ear.

"WHAT'S WITH EVERYONE TODAY?!" Johnny exclaimed. "I'm invisible for goodness sake! Why can I not surprise anyone?!"

Dukey, cringed at how girlishly loud Johnny's adolescent eleven-year-old voice could get.

"Listen dude," the talking dog said twisting a finger in his ringing ear. "Maybe you just don't have it today."

Johnny was still in denial.

"B-But I move silently! I move like an unseen force!" the blond continued. "I'm like silent wind!"

"Yeah, and you smell like it too," Dukey returned, always happy to point out a fart joke.

Johnny blew off the comment by gritted his teeth as the dog laughed. This wasn't the fun he was expecting when he was given a temporary tattoo that made him invisible.

"I'm gonna get rid of this invisible tattoo," the blond grumbled turning toward the house.

"Aw, c'mon Johnny. It doesn't have to be all bad," Dukey trotted beside. "We could give each other cool ninja names. Ooo! I could be Pouncing Wolf and you could be Silent Wind!"

The dog was laughing at him again.

"No, you could be Lazy Labradoodle and I could be Boy Who's Invisible But Can't Scare Anything," Johnny trudged for the door obviously in a grumpy mood.

"Hey!" Dukey objected. "I'm not a Labradoodle! I'm a Labraspanielshepardsky! Two totally different breeds."

Truth be told, Dukey was a mix of all sorts of breeds, maybe Labrador, Husky, Cocker Spaniel, German Shepard and part unicorn for all anyone knew.

"Okay Pouncing Wolf," Johnny set his invisible hand on the back door's doorknob. "Dad's kinda worked up about the temporary tattoo part about my invisibility. Can I count on you to distract him so he doesn't rip my arm off?"

Dukey smiled.

"Not a problem Johnny," the dog held up the "OK" sign.

Johnny opened the door and Dukey went bounding in. The blond gave his dog a five second head-start before he began sneaking in. Making a mad dash for his sisters' lab, Johnny caught Dukey playing tug-of-war with his dad and the broom.

Without knocking Johnny went running into Susan and Mary Test's lab.

"Mary! Susan!" he skidded to a stop in the middle of the sterile, white room.

Both of his usually jumpy twin sisters stood in front of their giant computer screen but calmly turned to their baby brother.

"Knock much?" Mary scoffed, folding her arms as her cat-eye glasses sat on the fringe of her nose.

"Yeah Johnny, where's the fire?" Susan was equally irritated as she pushed her square glasses back over her eyes.

Johnny gritted his teeth because their eyes were set directly on him, though he was invisible.

"Your invisibility tattoo is a joke!" he barked, hands in the air. "I can't scare anyone!"

Mary and Susan got a defensive look on their identical faces.

"I'd say the invisibility temp tattoo is a success," Mary stated. "I can't see you at all!"

Johnny scoffed.

"Then why can't I scare anyone?!" he blasted. "Dad didn't flinch and Dukey's laughing at me! What's wrong?!"

Susan shrugged.

"Don't know Johnny," she answered. "But I can guarantee you it wasn't the tattoo's fault. Maybe you just need to work on your scaring."

Johnny gaped but let the argument go.

"Just get the tattoo off of me," he held out his arm. "Before dad shreds my skin with a cheese grater."

The temporary tattoo was removed with some warm water and soap. But the rest of the day was ruined for Johnny. He kept running the scenarios through his head. By all accounts he should have scared everyone. If it wasn't the tattoo's fault then what?

Then Johnny lifted up his arm and gave himself a smell. He gagged, his eyes immediately watered and his lunch threatened to come up.

"Aw _man_!" Johnny flinched at his own stench. "No wonder I couldn't sneak up on anyone! I smell _so_ bad I could make a dead man grow toenails!"

Maybe with a shower, Johnny's ninja skills would improve ten-fold.

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R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!


	3. I Hear You Knockin but You Can't Come In

Ohayo New York! Konnichiwa London! Konban wa Tokyo! CJzilla here kickin' out another chapter! Woo! Now, in this blurb Dukey's messin' with Johnny... I'll leave the rest for you to fill in...

As I toast this city with my radioactive breath, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love me, hate me... I don't care...

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I Hear You Knocking but You Can't Come In

Dukey stood by the kitchen counter as he watched the coffee pot brew him up one of life's smooth, heaven-sent drink-wonders that was coffee. The dog sighed happily feeling his tail begin to sway excitedly. What did he ever do before he was gifted with speech, greater thinking ability, literacy and coffee? Oh yeah, pee, eat and sleep. Pretty much that.

After watching the delicious coffee collecting into the pourable container for a long moment, Dukey looked to his left. A horribly entertained smile split the dog's mouth at what he saw.

On the other side of the sliding door was his owner and best friend, Johnny Test, pounding away at the glass. That wasn't the hilariously entertaining part. Johnny was outside in broad daylight, in his underwear. Dukey then remembered why he started a pot of coffee in the first place. He needed something to sip on while he watched Johnny pound on the windows and doors, desperately trying to get back inside the house.

Dukey waltzed over the _locked_ sliding glass door and sat.

"What-? I hear you knocking, Johnny but you can't come in!" the dog teasingly shouted at the door. "I still can't…- _hear_ you! Maybe if you open the door, I could hear you!"

"Dukey!" Johnny seethed, his voice clear through the door. "You can _SO_ hear me! And listen carefully to me… YOU'RE DEAD! D-E-_A_-_D_! YOU HEAR ME?! _**DEAD**_! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!!"

It was so relaxingly enjoyable to watch the nearly naked boy jump and down with anger.

"Sorry Johnny! I can't!" Dukey tried to keep a straight face. "I don't have any _thumbs_! Hey, if I did, this lock would be a snap to open. But I can't. Sorry!"

Johnny's face heated with anger as he stood there straight as a board. Dukey was now on his back, laughing. The blond eleven-year-old dashed off to try to get in another way. Dukey's laughter died down to giggles as he whipped his eyes.

Earlier that Sunday Johnny had teased Dukey about not having any thumbs. The boy was right, and even though the four "fingered" Dukey could get by just fine without thumbs, the teasing still stung. So taking vengeful matters into his own four "fingered" paws.

While Johnny's family took a trip to the hardware store for various reasons and was out of the house, the eleven-year-old took his annual Sunday shower. As Johnny was all sudsy, Dukey snuck into the bathroom and nabbed all of his clothes minus his unders. Johnny had no choice but to come out of the bathroom in just his undies. Once the boy was out, he made a dash for his room and his other clothes. The dog caught his best friend by surprise and one short ride on a roller-skate out of the second story window later, Johnny landed harmlessly on the repositioned trampoline Dukey had moved below the boy's window. Dukey had made sure all of the windows and doors were locked before he unleashed the practically naked eleven-year-old on the unsuspecting Sunday afternoon.

Yes, this was a very elaborate plan, even by Dukey's standards.

Pouring himself a cup of coffee, Dukey trotted around the house trying to get a good view of Johnny's self-esteem taking a hit. He spotted the nearly naked blond outside of the left side of the house. He was trying to use one of the neighbor's toddler toys to pry open the locked window. Dukey took a seat in the hall, sipped on his coffee and watched the problem solving gears turn within Johnny's head.

Johnny grunted with frustration as the toddler "Big Boy Rake" toy busted in half under the bottom of the window. Throwing down plan "A", the eleven-year-old darted off to try another window and/or door. Dukey sighed in contentment as he trotted to the next window and wondered how many more "plans" it'll take before Johnny figures out a way in.

Minuets later, Dukey was watching from the second story window as Johnny jimmy-rigged a slingshot using nothing but the rain gutters and the family's garden hose. A twinge of worry hit the dog when he was how far the child stretched that ordinary hose. He'd stretched it like a rubber band and precariously hung the taunt end on one of the lawn's sprinklers.

"DUKEY!" Johnny blasted settling his underwear-clad butt in the base of the garden hose slingshot. "I'm getting in that house ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!"

Since it was a Sunday afternoon, people were busy cramming in as much goofing off as possible before the weekend was over, but that didn't mean they weren't bored. People were beginning to curiously shuffle out of their houses to get a look at the crazed spiky-haired boy trying to get into his house. Eyes were fixed on Johnny who was in a garden hose slingshot wearing nothing but underwear and a psycho smile.

Dukey snickered. With any luck, the Porkbelly local news would show up and Johnny's pasty, five-fingered butt would be on everyone's TV.

Just then the sprinkler gave way under the strain of the garden hose and Johnny's butt. As Johnny was rocketed through the air, coming to an abrupt and painful splat on the house's paneled wall, the broken sprinkler gushed out a fountain of water into the air.

Dukey laughed so hard he was sure he'd wet himself.

Johnny stumbled out into the open front lawn and looked up to the window Dukey was laughing behind. The dog began to see the boy's mouth move as he shook a fist at him. Dukey decided to humor the boy and crack open the window.

"-flea-bitten, mange-infested, delighting in your own odor, ugly stain-maker!" Johnny fumed, getting soaked under the busted sprinkler as he shook a fist.

Dukey let out a loud laugh.

"A slingshot?" the mutt shouted down at his best-friend. "Is that the best you got, Johnny? Very cartoony!"

The dog was laughing again.

"Dukey the _dog, _LET ME IN RIGHT NOW!!" Johnny seethed, face getting red with anger.

Another mischievous smile split the dog's lips. There was no way he'd ever get another totally awesome opportunity to do this again, so Dukey wanted to ride it out as long as possible.

"Uh… Woof woof and bark bark and all that dog stuff," Dukey mocked.

"DUKEY!" Johnny fumed, jumping up and down with rage. "YOU'RE GONNA EAT NOTHING BUT ALL FIBER DOG FOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR LIFE A FESTERING PIT OF MISERY-!!"

And then the dog shut the window, not wanting to hear more of the temper tantrum. Watching Johnny's fuming red face and his mouth move a million miles an hour made Dukey guffaw and shoot coffee out of his nose. The boy was doing an angry dance that looked like someone had dropped an electric eel inside those embarrassingly small tighty-whiteys. But that wasn't the best part. The neighbor hood was slowly filing out of their homes to see what the brouhaha was all about.

Dukey was in heaven. He'd just scored one of the biggest prank victories of his life. He should get an award or something… or maybe pictures! The mutt ran off to find a camera.

Susan, Mary and their mom and dad had gone to the local hardware store for either scientific supplies, office supplies or homemaker supplies. They'd left Johnny home and thought the eleven-year-old could hold his own since they'd barely been gone forty-five minuets.

"Thanks again dad for buy us all that PBC pipe," Mary chimed from the back seat.

"Yes," Susan agreed. "It will make our revolutionary all-PBC-pipe rocket all that more history making!"

Their dad chuckled happily as he gazed back at his daughter through the rear-view mirror.

"You're welcome!" he quipped smiling. "Just be sure to keep true to our agreement and NOT send your brother into orbit with that thing."

Susan and Mary let out a humoring chuckle but inwardly moped. Johnny would be the perfect monkey substitute.

"But dad," Mary giggled. "Johnny's the closest thing we have to a monkey. Can't we give our laboratory monkeys a break and just send Johnny into deep space?"

Mom and dad chuckled.

"Now Mary," their mother corrected. "You are not allowed to joke like that around Johnny. I don't want him to feel he should act like a disobedient monkey."

"Well said dear," dad agreed, before he changed the subject. "Well, wouldn't you look at all these Sunday afternoon lazy-pants people out on their front lawns. I'm sure they have something better to do than… look at our house-"

Horror suddenly crept onto the man's face as he got a glimpse of what everyone was starring at. There was the Test family house, broken sprinkler spewing water high into the air, stretched out garden hose and a nearly naked Johnny. The crazed kid was inside a wheel barrel in the driveway, blackened with chimney soot and underwear slightly shredded.

"Oh my giddy aunt!" mom gasped as they came screaming into the driveway.

Jumping out of the car, the parents were horror stricken but Susan and Mary were laughing their heads off.

"Johnny-!" dad gasped, his voice almost as quiet as a whisper. "W-What are you doing out here? And in your _underwear_?!"

Johnny seemed to not notice his family as he jumped out of the wheel barrel, ran to the side of the house, busted off the vine ladder and raced to the front door.

"YOU'VE HUMILIATED ME _AND_ SHOWED EVERYONE MY FAVORITE UNDIES!" Johnny screamed at the house. "Now I'm coming in the house… MEDIEVAL STYLE!!"

The eleven-year-old gave a war cry and began charging the front door of his own house. But his dad grabbed the boy before he could do any real damage.

"JOHNNY TEST!" the man held his child in his arms. "What in the name of all things bright an beautiful are you doing?!"

Johnny struggled in his father's arms.

"Load the cannons! I shall breach the house's walls before night fall!" Johnny proclaimed incoherently, eyes moving in all direction.

"I got it!" Susan declared, skipped up to her father and brother and gave the eleven-year-old a firm slap to the face.

"WHO?! What?! When?! Where?! Why?!" Johnny stammered, now knocked out of his crazed state of mind before the pain in his cheek registered. "_OW_!"

It seemed that the boy was back to normal and his dad let him down.

"Oh, hi guys!" he chirped happily. "What are you guys doing outside? And _why_ am I feeling a breeze?"

Johnny then looked down at his nearly naked body.

"Oh yeah," the boy bowed his head. "The humiliation."

"Jonathan Test!" his mother was so shocked and angered that she lost her voice. "_What_ happened?"

Johnny's bottom lip quivered for a slight second.

"Dukey locked me out!" he fell to his knees. "IN MY UNDERWEAR!"

"We can see that clearly," his dad rolled his eyes. "And we are telling you right now that we don't believe it."

Johnny looked at his father with his mouth open and eyebrows narrowed tightly.

"You think I'd _INTENTIONALLY_ do this to myself?!" Johnny exclaimed, hands in the air as he hopped to his feet. "My practically naked behind is in plain view of all in our neighborhood! PEOPLE ARE TAKING PICTURES, _DAD_!!"

"You are in serious trouble young man," the man replied slipping off his sweater-vest and putting it over his nearly naked son. "Once I get the water shut off and assess the damage, I'm gonna spank you so hard it'll make your nose bleed!"

With that he walked to the front door with his wife. Susan and Mary came to their humiliated brother's side.

"Wow," Mary mumbled through her hand, which was clapped over her mouth.

"Yeah Johnny. _WOW_," Susan agreed, hands in the air.

"Dukey did it," Johnny mumbled. "He locked all the windows and doors-"

"Johnny! The front door was unlocked!" his dad called to him. "You could have gotten in at any time! I'm gonna _tan_ your hide!"

Johnny gritted his teeth, went straight as a board and fumed. Gutsy Dukey then came into sight and greeted the parents like any normal dog would. Both mother and father patted the dog and disappeared. Dukey stood at the threshold of the door, smiled a Cheshire cat smile and turned back into the house.

"I… am… gonna… _**KILL**_… that… dog…," the blond seethed quietly.

Susan and Mary patted a clean portion of Johnny's back.

"C'mon Naked Boy, let's get you into the house so that you can shower… again," Mary tried her best to hold in a loud, gut-busting laugh.

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R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK! And Domo Arigato to "anon" for the reviews...


	4. School's Out

Ohyaho! CJzilla here slamming out another chapter! Woo! Now, this time around, Johnny's at school and it's Friday! Problem is, there's a math quiz that's gonna make his weekend start much later. But there will be a surprise helper to get Johnny on the fast track to the weekend! Enjoy!

As I cause mass mayhem through this city, alls CJzilla has to roar it this: R&R! Love me, hate me, I don't care...

AN: To those who were wondering, I don't think Johnny's parents know Dukey can talk... At least as far as I can tell. Correct me if I'm wrong...

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School's Out

It was a Friday and just thirty minuets away from a much needed weekend. And as with all good things, there were those who'd love to crush, maim, obliterate and/or KILL the happy with an ice pick… or in this case, a surprise test.

"POP QUIZ!!" the massively unappealing voice of Porkbelly Intermediate School's very own math teacher rang through the air.

Over the chorus of blood-curdling "Oh why Higher Power, _why_" moans groans and death-rattles from his students, the teacher walked the four desk aisles handing out the quiz papers.

"Now, now class," he said. "There's no need to whine… unless you haven't studied. In that context, then I suppose you should be afraid."

The school system continually made fools of Porkbelly's youth, our very own, favorite resident Johnny Test being no exception. It was 2:30 pm, a mere thirty minuets until the glorious bell rang and let all of the kids out of this wasteland of government funded captivity. Being a veteran of school for a very long eleven-years, Johnny Test was balancing his pencil on the end of his finger, awaiting the next test he was gonna flunk.

"Oh and just so you know class," the math teacher's voice was almost in Johnny's ear. "Those who score poorly will be cleaning my chalk erasers… _AFTER_ school today."

More groans and death rattles from the other kids, but Johnny didn't have time to moan because the teacher waved a test in his face and looked him in the eye.

"I'll be seeing you after school today Mr. Test," the math teacher grinned evilly over his thick glasses. "I'll save the dirtiest erasers for you."

Johnny narrowed his eyes.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch!" the blond returned snatching the paper out of the teacher's hand. "Thirty minuets from now, I'll be accepting _your_ apology."

The math teacher snickered.

"Highly unlikely Mr. Test," the man responded as heartless and cold blooded as any reptile before he walked off, handing out the rest of the papers.

Johnny inwardly placed a curse on the math teacher's head. Some time in the near future, he'd have an embarrassing accident. Yes, Johnny wished on every star he had that he'd be there to see said embarrassing moment befall the cruel teacher.

"Gee Test," Johnny heard a female voice right next to him.

Passing his eyes to a row over, he saw the human equivalent of the Hydra monster… His next door neighbor, spawn of a wolverine father and a viper mother and all around unpleasant eleven-year-old girl, Sissy. Johnny felt his eyes narrow in ill will as Sissy batted her eyelashes at him.

"Do you purposely set yourself up for failure or were you born with it?" the blond demon daughter quipped.

"Drop dead Sissy," Johnny returned. "Go annoy a poisonous reptile, out in the highway."

Sissy gave a laugh.

"I know you haven't studied, Test," she smiled.

Johnny blinked, processing what she said. For the past month yet notably the last two weeks, the boy had been feeling a little watched, not from any family member but from an outside source. The feeling came on intensely when he was up in his room; he'd feel someone watching him through the window… And now Sissy was claiming to know his study habits. The scary part about that was… she was _right_!

He narrowed his eyes at the girl and noted that she started to turn red.

"How would you know that?" Johnny questioned.

The girl's eyes got shifty and she curled a finger in her T-shirt collar and gave a little tug.

"I-uh-I-… Y-you just have one of those faces," Sissy recovered from her flustered moment. "A face that loves to kiss the dirt."

Johnny didn't buy it but let it slide after the teacher was finished handing out quizzes.

"All right class," he placed an egg timer on his desk. "The test you have been handed out is based on your knowledge of the decimal-"

For Johnny the teacher's ramblings were cut short by a poke on the side of his head. Craning to his left and out an open window, the eleven-year-old rubbed the tender spot on his head where something hit him. He peered over the windowsill and his eyes widened at what he saw.

There was his pet talking dog Dukey, flicking pebbles at him from _outside_!

"Dukey?!" Johnny yelled on a whisper.

But unfortunately for the spiky haired blond kid, the dog didn't hear him as he threw another pebble into the classroom. The small pebble came flying in from the window and hit Johnny in the eye.

"Jiminy _Christmas_!!" Johnny fell back into his chair, hand clapped over his hurting eye.

The pain was horrible, but not enough to dull the pain of his peers and teacher mocking him.

"Is there something you want to share with the class Mr. Test?" he heard the math teacher squeeze out.

Johnny opened his _good_ eye and looked to the teacher. He sat rigid in his chair, his eyes wide before his quick wit caught up with him.

"Which- is to say…" Johnny paused. ""Jiminy Christmas! I forgot to study!""

Johnny snapped his fingers dramatically. The kids in his class gave him a funny look before they all started laughing at his expense.

"Too bad for you," the teacher sighed. "I will wish you the biggest of miracles as you have to complete the test in front of you."

Johnny blushed slightly under the laughter of his classmates, but it soon died down when the teacher continued talking about the test. The blond boy subtly leaned out of the window and peered down at his dog.

"Dukey!" Johnny whispered. "Dukey! What in the name of the four great cheeses are you doing here?!"

The dog looked up at his owner/best friend. The two almost knocked heads together.

"I'm here to help with that pop quiz you just got!" Dukey smiled wide.

Johnny blinked.

"How'd you know there'd be a test today?" the blond questioned pointing a finger at his dog.

"_Hello_," Dukey replied. "It's Friday, as in, any fun sucking teacher knows this would be the best time to dish out some unnecessary quiz. The kids are rushed and get low scores. More detentions and more suffering. You get where I'm going here Johnny?"

The boy marveled at the dog's detective skills.

"But how are you gonna help me?" Johnny asked.

"Piece of cake," Dukey smiled. "All's you have to do is write the answers down. I'll find out a way to get them to you before that school bell rings and, boom! You're out early and we can go to the park and yell at the ducks!"

Johnny smiled at his dog.

"You're the best Duke-ster!" he cheered.

"This I know," the dog smiled. "Now get back in there before we get caught!"

Johnny zipped back into the classroom and sat like a good student at his desk with just enough time to catch the last of a bogus lecture.

"-and that is why the decimal comes before the number," the math teacher concluded. "Now you may turn over your test papers and begin."

Johnny did as he was told and flipped the paper over. The numbers swirled and became one incoherent mass. Johnny's head was spinning. Then a tiny, tiny piece of paper was thrown into the classroom by Dukey. The paper hit Johnny's desk and the blond unrolled it. It contained answers for the whole test. Johnny smiled happily as he doodled down as many answers as possible.

"Mr. Test!" he heard the teacher bark at him. "What is that in your hand?"

Johnny looked up to see his teacher get up out of his desk and march over to him. If he was caught with the answers, there'd be after-school detention for him! Thinking quickly, he shoved the cheat sheet in his mouth and chewed vigorously. By the time the teacher was at his desk, the paper was unrecognizable.

"What did you just put into your mouth Mr. Test?" the man questioned, hands on his large hips.

"A piece of paper with… uh-… scented marker on it… Yeah! I love strawberry and I wondered if the marker would taste as good as it smells!" Johnny fumbled, trying to look convincing. "It didn't. Kinda nasty actually."

The teacher looked nauseated.

"Well spit that out and get on with your test," the man turned on his heel and walked back to his desk.

Johnny spat out the chewed paper and looked for a place to throw it. He saw the local Porkbelly Intermediate School bully, aimed for his red buzz-cut hairdo and flicked the masticated paper at him. It landed on the bruiser's head, little to the kid's knowledge. Johnny held in a laugh when he saw that thick wad of chewed paper on the bully's head.

But he had to get back to his quiz problem. Johnny still didn't know what the rest of the answers were.

Then he heard a cough from Dukey outside the window.

"(Cough) Seventy-six, point five (Hack)" Dukey told the boy the answer faking like he was coughing.

Johnny smiled and wrote down the answer.

"(Wheeze) Twenty-four (Cough)" the dog coughed out.

Three more problems went by like that until the teacher caught on.

"Is there something wrong with you Mr. Test?" the teacher questioned.

Johnny froze, eyes wide.

"Uh-… I just got a cough," he peeped. "Doctor says it's serious."

The teacher quirked a brow, got up from his desk and walked over to the coughing blond.

"Then just shut the window," the man stated reaching for the window.

Dukey's answers would be cut off if he shut the window. Johnny seized his teacher's hand.

"That's okay!" the boy said quickly. "I think it's just some eraser shavings in my throat! I'll be fine!"

The teacher's mouth creased in disgust.

"Get yourself a drink of water Mr. Test," the man responded. "This window should be closed anyway."

And the teacher shut Johnny's answer-key life-line. The blond frowned.

"Drinking hall passes are on my desk Mr. Test," the math teacher pointed. "You have two minuets."

Johnny grumbled to himself, got up from his desk, put his hands in his pockets and shuffled to the door. Grabbing a hall pass the eleven-year-old slipped out of his classroom and out into the hall. He still had twelve more problems to go and now that Dukey was shut out of the classroom, how'd he get the quiz done?

Walking over to the drinking fountain, he heard the familiar pitter-patter of dog's feet on linoleum tiles. Looking up before he took a drink out, Johnny jumped five-feet in the air. There was Dukey, in broad daylight, _in_ the school!

"Dukey!" Johnny gasped seizing the dog's head and giving it a liberal shake. "What are you doing?! _You_, _me…_ are gonna get busted!"

Dukey took Johnny's hands from his noggin.

"We're not gonna get busted," the dog laughed. "I am having fun though. It's like spying on the enemy in a hostile environment! It's do or die! It's "get caught and get thrown into the vat of piranha"! It's-!"

"It's insane Dukey!" Johnny grabbed his pet's head again and was shaking it like a maraca. "This ain't some spy movie! My freedom and _weekend_ is at stake here!"

Dukey's smile fell into a serious look.

"The way I see is just that Jonathan," the dog replied, calm and collected. "My good buddy's stuck in a place where the public accepts it as nothing more than education. You and I know _better_ Johnny. This is a place of _great_ evil and I'm not gonna rest until you come out of here _alive_!"

Now the intense dog was shaking the boy's head. Clearly both of them were watching too much TV.

"All right! All right!" Johnny took Dukey's hands from his melon. "But what are we gonna do? The window's shut. How you gonna get the answers to me now?"

Dukey gave a sly smile.

"Don't worry about it," the dog wagged his tail. "I'll get 'em to ya."

Johnny trusted his nutty dog and ran back to the class room without a drink of water. The blond sat back in his desk, nervous as a balloon in a porcupine factory. He looked at the clock. Eight more minuets left and twelve unfinished problems still on his paper. How was Dukey gonna get the answers to him now.

The answer soon busted through the door.

Nibbling on his nails and watching the minuet hand swing around the clock's face, Johnny was sure he'd never get this test done now. Just then there was a loud bang from the door of the classroom. Everyone looked up. Johnny's eyes got beady.

There was Dukey, walking on two legs, dressed in a nurse's dress, tiara, heels and first-aid kit. Let's not forget the creepy lipstick, eyeliner and blush factor. Johnny buried his head in his hands. This would end poorly.

"What the hey-?!" the math teacher fell out of his chair at the surprise bang.

"Oh _hi_!" Dukey said in a high-pitched female voice. "I'm nurse Doreen and I just got an urgent call about a boy with a cough!"

The math teacher got up off the floor and gave the "nurse" a funny look.

"I didn't call anyone," he voiced, straightening his glasses.

"Oh you didn't," Nurse Dukey giggled like a woman. "It's my nurse's intuition. I had a feeling some boy in your class has a terrible cough! And look-! There he is!"

The "nurse" gestured right toward Johnny. Johnny didn't look up, he knew what was coming next. He heard Dukey clumsily walk over to his desk.

"Oh you poor _baby_!" the "nurse" gasped. "He's worse than I thought! Look how he's holding his face!"

It took all Johnny had to sit there without vomiting. Dukey didn't look too good in makeup and heels. The "nurse" went to work straight away. "She" fitted Johnny with a sling, eye-patch and Band-Aid over one of his fingers. Nurse Dukey released the boy and smiled.

"There!" "she" proclaimed. "Hospital visit avoided!"

The math teacher was suddenly at the "nurse's" side peering carefully at Johnny.

"He didn't look hurt to me," the man voiced taking his glasses off and polishing them on his shirt.

"Oh, he was hurt all right!" Nurse Dukey nodded. "He's fortunate that I was around to administer the proper first aid! Or he'd likely be _dead_…"

The class, even Sissy gasped and Johnny slapped his forehead.

"Well, I _must_ be going!" the "nurse" voiced. "I have places to go and people to save. _Ta_!"

Again, Johnny's and probably most of the class's breakfast and lunch threatened to come up when they saw his math teacher walk "Nurse" Dukey to the door. The man was as blind as a bat and Dukey totally appealed to him. Shaking off the nasty shivers that came to him, Johnny focused on his test. He had five minuets left. The blond was starting to freak.

Then he felt something funny inside of his sling. Pulling out his uninjured arm, the sling was full of numbers; _answers_ to the quiz! You didn't have to tell Johnny twice. He began writing down the answers as fast as he could.

And even the eye patch that Dukey gave him gave him the rest of the answers. Pulling it away from his eye, the patch had answers written on the underside of it! Doodling down the rest of his answers, Johnny was done!

"I did it!" the blond cheered, jumping up on his desk. "I'm _DONE_!"

Everyone looked over to him as he jumped off of his desk and ran to his teacher.

"There! Done!" Johnny proclaimed proudly.

The math teacher's eyebrows raised in amazement as he skimmed over the answers.

"These are-… _right_?!" he blinked.

Johnny whooped and did the moonwalk in front of the class.

"Aw yeah!" the eleven-year-old pumped his fist. "I'm awesome!"

The math teacher was pleasantly surprised and set the quiz down on his desk.

"Then you are dismissed Mr. Test," the man stated, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "I'll see you Monday."

Johnny smiled wide and began playing "air-guitar".

"I should go with the lad," the "nurse" voiced nervously. "Make sure his injuries don't impede his trip home! Allrightwe'regonebye!"

The "nurse" and Johnny ran out of the classroom faster than the wind itself.

"CALL ME!" the math teacher called after the "nurse" followed by several of his students ralfing out their guts.

Dukey and Johnny were out of the school and zooming down the street on a motorized scooter. They were rushing off to the park to yell at the ducks.

"Dukey, I owe you one," Johnny glanced back at his pet and best friend.

"Yes, you do," Dukey returned. "But cheating is not good for you in the long run."

"Who cares?!" Johnny exclaimed. "That was awesome! I bet we can do that again! I've got a big semester test coming up that you could help out on!"

Dukey cheered.

"Awesome! More secret agent spying! Woo!" the dog yelled happily.

"Just do me a favor," Johnny added. "_NEVER_ dress like a woman again. I could have went my whole life without seeing you in heels."

"My disguise was awesome!" Dukey defended. "You're teacher bought it and that's proof enough for me!"

"Yes, but that was wrong, sick and disgusting," Johnny returned. "Let's see me get any sleep now!"

* * *

R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!


	5. Mystery Weekend Vacation

Ohayo Tokyo! Konnichiwa New York! Konban wa London! CJzilla here with another chapter! In this chapter, Susan, Mary and their dad have gone away on a mystery weekend "vacation" and they didn't tell Johnny where they were going. It's eating him alive! So drastic measures are taken to find out where they went!

As I crush this city beneath my feet, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love on me, hate on me... I don't care.

* * *

Mystery Weekend "Vacation"

It was the halfway point in the Porkbelly School System's "Summer Vacation". The days were hot, long and full of mischief for Johnny Test and his faithful and furry best friend, Dukey. For the past month and a half Johnny and Dukey were up early, cramming as much "nothing" as they possibly could. From mud-bombs to romps over a cold sprinkler to pulling pranks on the neighborhood brat, Sissy, they did it all.

On this occasion Johnny and Dukey ran into their house like they were being pursued by a heat seeking missile that had rabies. Flying into the kitchen, Johnny shut the sliding glass door tightly as Dukey hid under the kitchen table. Johnny's homemaker father was busy doing dishes and nearly jumped out of his skin when Johnny dove behind him.

"Johnny _Test_!" the man held his "heart" with a soaking wet rubber dish glove. "You scared the _Bah_-Jeepers outta me! What's wrong?!"

Johnny made a mental note to celebrate the successful scare later.

"Don't look at me _dad_!" the blond, spiky headed kid shushed. "Just pretend that I never walked this way!"

With that Johnny took cover under his father's apron. Even though a twinge of loathing came to the man's mind, Johnny's father did just as his son told him and continued on doing dishes. But out of the corner of his eye, the man saw a large black mass move by the sliding glass window. Turning his head ever so slightly, his eyes widened at what he saw.

There was a rampaging _bull_!

"Johnny…" his father paused as the bull tore up their back yard patio. "_Why_ is there a bull in our back yard? And is that the _same_ creature from the pasture at the end of the street?"

Johnny was still tucked away under his dad's apron so he couldn't look the man in the eye.

"Dukey and I had nothing to do with its escape, honestly!" Johnny returned waving his arms. "And we sure didn't feed it chili peppers! _No_ way!"

Johnny's father sighed and went back to his dishes. He'd learned throughout the past years that the fewer questions he'd ask, the better his sleep was.

"I can't wait for 5 tonight," the tired man sighed.

His son peeped out from behind his father's apron.

"What's happening at 5?" Johnny asked curiously.

"That's when your mother gets home and will watch you for the entire weekend while me and your sisters will take a much needed vacation," the man answered.

"OooooooOooooo!" Johnny awed jumping out from his dad's apron. "Can I come? Me and Dukey love vacations!"

Dukey was suddenly at the eleven-year-old's side wagging his tail.

"Johnny, I-" his father was cut short.

"Oh… _Florida_! It's gotta be Florida!" Johnny blurted out suddenly with a rubber alligator in his hands and Dukey had a big glass of Orange Juice. "Home of the man-eating gators, monster theme parks and Orange Juice!"

"No," his dad shook his head.

"Okay… _OO_! It has to be Cancun!" Johnny cheered, suddenly in sunglasses, shorts, sandals and a giant drink glass, along with Dukey who was in some swimming trunks. "Home of Margaritaville!"

"No, and you're too young to know about Margaritas!" his dad put his hands on his hips.

Johnny was baffled.

"So… if you guys aren't going to Florida or Margaritaville… WHY CAN'T I COME?!" the boy bounced up and down in anger before Dukey smacked him upside the head. "Sorry… Why can't _WE_ come? There. You happy Dukey?"

Dukey wagged his tail and nodded.

"The reason you two can't come is because the girls and I need a break from the house," Johnny's dad pulled off his apron and knelt beside his son. "There'll be other times for a short weekend vacation Johnny. Next time, me and you will go Fly Fishing!"

With that his dad got up and walked off. Johnny pouted.

"That's bogus," the blond boy moped. "Why can't we come?"

Dukey thought for a second, eyes going from the angry chili-fed bull in the back yard to Johnny.

"I'll give you two guesses why we can't come," the talking dog said, holding up to "fingers".

Johnny looked up and saw the bull chewing on the plastic lawn furniture.

"The bull," the boy pointed out.

"There's _one_!" Dukey cheered. "Do I get a number _two_?!"

Johnny pondered it for a second.

"_We_ did it," the boy said sadly.

"AND THERE'S NUMBER _TWO_!!" Dukey proclaimed, on his knees with the razzmatazz of a southern preacher. "CAN I GET AN "_AMEN_"?!"

Johnny sighed, put his hands in his pockets and walked after his dad.

Five o'clock rolled around and his mom was home. Johnny, Dukey and his mom watched his dad, Susan and Mary move like a Marine loading squad as they packed up their car.

"How come you guys won't tell me where you're going?" Johnny pleaded, hanging on his dad's foot.

"Don't worry Johnny!" his dad replied, throwing a rubber raft, scuba gear, beach ball, suntan lotion and parasols, not necessarily in that order, into the back of their family car. "We'll take pictures, so you'll see what we see."

Johnny let go of his dad's leg and laid there, face down in the grass. Susan and Mary came up to their little brother and patted the boy's had.

"We don't even know where we're going Johnny, only dad knows where we're going," Mary told her little brother.

Johnny sat up and raised a caustic eyebrow.

"You don't know where you're goin'… but you're goin' anyway?" the boy asked.

Susan and Mary glanced at each other.

"Anywhere's better than here, with you and Dukey," Susan shrugged.

"_Hey_!" Dukey shook a fist from the front door, but then he got a weird look from Johnny's dad. "Oh… Woof woof _woof_!"

Susan and Mary giggled while Johnny pouted.

"We're not that bad," the blond boy mumbled.

"You released a bull, Johnny," Mary narrowed her eyes. "A _bull_! In the neighborhood. It's only a matter of time before you somehow get it into the house. And we don't want to be here when that happens."

There was a mad silence that cut through the conversation.

"C'mon girls! Daylight's burnin'!" their dad called from the car as he beeped the horn.

"Coming!" Susan and Mary waved. "We locked our lab in ways you couldn't hope to fathom. Touch it and you die."

With that his sisters and father drove away like the house was red-hot, leaving Dukey and Johnny in a cloud of dust. Johnny moped as he watched his sisters and dad drive away like banshees.

"Aw, who needs 'em?" Dukey swatted a paw. "C'mon Johnny, we have better things to do. Let's fart under our armpits or blow snot bubbles or something."

And just like that both dog and boy shuffled inside their now very, very quiet house.

Mom's dinner consisted of a TV dinner followed by the tired woman falling asleep on the couch. Johnny and Dukey wandered up to their room. Their music was boring, their video games were boring, TV was boring and now, _life_ was boring.

"This stinks," Johnny complained, lying halfway on his bed, letting his head dangle off the edge. "With dad gone, there's no one to yell at me and with Susan and Mary gone, our once uneventful Friday night has gotten worse."

Dukey sighed, lying on his back and starring at the posters his eleven-year-old owner hung on the ceiling.

"We're pathetic," the dog voiced, vegetating.

Johnny sighed and flopped onto his back to stare up at the ceiling with Dukey.

"What's really eating me is the fact that I don't know where they went," the blond boy went on. "They could have gone somewhere cool like Alaska or Panama or some other exotic land."

"Or they could have gone just across town to a park or something lame like that," Dukey lifted his head off of the floor to look at his best friend.

Once again Johnny sighed.

"I _have_ to know what I'm missing," the eleven-year-old grabbed a pillow and put it over his face. "I bet Mary and Susan have some sort of GPS thingy in their lab and alls we have to do it get it and then we'll know where they are. But the lab's locked."

Johnny sat up to think clearly.

"It's locked and there's that little fact that your sisters will murder us if we step foot in their lab," Dukey got up and walked to his best friend and sat.

"I've never taken their death threats seriously," Johnny stated, still lost in thought. "We should at least try."

The blond got up from his bed and righteously indignantly marched to his sisters' lab. Dukey followed just to make sure Johnny wouldn't make a lot of noise when he got vaporized by the lab's security system. But any parent and/or sibling should know that nothing, and I mean _nothing_, could keep a hard-headed eleven-year-old from what they want.

Just like magic, they waltzed into the lab unharmed by the seemingly impenetrable security.

"Wow," Dukey voiced as he followed Johnny into the dark lab. "That was easy."

"Uh-huh," Johnny beamed, clapped his hands and the lights came on. "But my sisters aren't stupid. We couldn't have gone this far without tripping some sort of trap."

Sure enough, as the lights flicked on there was three feet of bullet-proof glass separating Johnny and Dukey from the really cool lab equipment.

"Aw man!" Johnny plastered his face on the glass of one of his favorite deadly scientific thingies. "The Super Backpack had a GPS in it. There's no hope for us now!"

"Hey!" Dukey cheered, his tail wagging. "There's no glass in front of the super computer! The big computer has a GPS on it, right?"

"I guess it could work," Johnny walked up to the computer and pressed a button on the machine.

Suddenly bars, a concrete wall and more bullet-proof glass covered the computer. There was no way that they'd get through that. Just as they feared the worst, a brilliant idea hit Johnny.

"Hey! Why not ask that Eugene kid?" the blond cheered.

Dukey made a face.

"That super-rich, creepy, chubby kid that has a mondo-crush on Susan?" the dog scrunched his nose.

"Exactly!" Johnny threw his hands in the air. "Eugene is so creepy, he probably has a "find Susan" GPS! We find Susan, we find Mary and dad and where they went!"

"I dunno Johnny," Dukey shook his head. "Seems like over-kill to me."

"They brought it on themselves," Johnny thumped his chest. "And over-kill is my middle name."

Minuets later, after much digging in the phone book, Johnny and Dukey found Eugene's number. They dialed, no biggie there. Both dog and boy had their ears pressed to the telephone as it rung.

"Hello?" came a nasally voice of an eleven-year-old.

"Hey Eugene?" Johnny smiled. "It's-"

"It's BLING-BLING BOY!" yep, it was Eugene. "Sheesh! Can't I get a little recognition here? Is that so much to ask?!"

Johnny paused on the other line, waiting for the temper tantrum to pass.

"You done?" the blond questioned rolling his eyes.

"Depends," Bling-Bling Boy replied. "I know that you are Johnny Test calling one of your arch foes. So I ask myself, "Bling-Bling Boy? Why is HE calling? And at this hour?""

Johnny gave a courtesy pause.

"Done?" he questioned, rolling his eyes again.

"For the moment…" Bling-Bling Boy replied cautiously.

Awkward pause.

"WELL?! Spit it out! Or did you just call so that I can listen to your disgusting breathing?!" the rich portly kid blasted.

"I would if I could without you throwing in a pointless rant every other word!" Johnny returned.

"Fine, fine," Bling-Bling Boy spat. "I'll stay quiet…"

Johnny sighed, looking at his dog.

"Listen, "Bling-Bling Boy"," the blond began. "I need to know where my sisters and father are. And since you like Susan… a _LOT_, you're creepy enough to know her every position-"

"I am not _creepy_!" Bling-Bling Boy fumed.

"ARE YOU GONNA LET HIM FINISH OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR YELLIN' ALL NIGHT?!" Dukey yelled, yanking the phone out of Johnny's hand.

There was a pause on the other line.

"Who was that?" Bling-Bling Boy asked, now confused.

Johnny yanked back the phone from Dukey.

"You remember Dukey? My talking dog?" the blond replied.

"Oh, OH! Yes, I remember he posed as your sister that one night I stole the Super Backpack-" the rich villain was rambling.

"Let's not bring _that_ up!" the dog pleaded falling to the floor, not enjoying the memory of giving a dog kiss to the rich eleven-year-old. "I didn't enjoy it and Eugene didn't enjoy it-"

"BLING-BLING BOY!" the villain blasted again.

"Will you two just zip it?!" Johnny slapped his forehead. "Bling-Bling Boy, my sisters and dad went somewhere and I wanna know where. Can you get a fix on their position?"

"Where's Susan?!" Bling-Bling Boy gasped. "Is she hurt?! Cause if she is-!"

"No one's hurt or in trouble," Johnny told the easily excitable preteen villain. "They took off on a weekend "vacation" without me and Dukey and I want to know exactly where they went so I know what we're missing!"

Pause from the other line.

"_Man_," Bling-Bling Boy voiced. "You're pathetic."

"Says the creepy eleven-year-old with a GPS on my teenage sister!" Johnny shot back.

"Touché," the preteen villain returned. "Okay… I'm on my computer and pulling up my Susan positioning system or SPS for short…"

Dukey and Johnny cringed. Yep. Bling-Bling Boy was creepy like that.

"Ah! I got a reading!" the rich villain cheered.

Johnny and Dukey smiled and waited for more information.

"Gathering information from the satellite…" Bling-Bling Boy paused. "Configuring… All right they're in… southwest Montana… Near a little town called… Virginia City…?"

Johnny and Dukey starred at each other.

"Montana?" both questioned together.

"What in the heck are they doing way up there?" Johnny asked anyone who had an answer.

"Well, Montana's known for it's national parks, thick forests and camping…" Dukey returned.

The dog and blond blinked at each other.

"Did dad just drag Susan and Mary _camping_?" Johnny made a face.

"Sure, either that or they got wicked lost," Dukey pointed out, shrugging.

"Camping?" Bling-Bling Boy heard every word on the other telephone line. "That's weird."

"They wouldn't last five minuets," Johnny voiced. "We gotta get up there!"

"You're not so much interested in your sisters and dad's safety but for the fact that we're bored out of our skulls, right?" Dukey voiced, tapping his head.

"DUH!" Johnny replied like his dog was stupid. "I've had some boring Friday nights, but this is the worst! TO MONTANA!"

"Hey!" Bling-Bling Boy yelled just before Johnny set the phone down on its receiver. "I'm coming too! I found them and it's only fair that I come too!"

Dukey and Johnny sighed loudly.

"… Do you have to?" the blond eleven-year-old groaned.

"Yes!" Bling-Bling Boy returned. "AND, I've got a jet. I bet we can get there faster than by bicycle, _Test_!"

A jet? Cool!

"All right, you can come," Johnny relented. "But just because you have a jet and we don't."

This was far from the weekend vacation Susan and Mary had in mind. They were shivering, huddled around a small fire their dad had finally managed to light up. The Montana forest was dark and uninviting and they were pretty sure they saw a raccoon the size of a pony. The two super-geniuses were not looking forward to a night in a tent in a dense forest.

"Nothing like fresh forest air, huh girls?" their dad was actually enjoying everything.

"Why couldn't we have gone to the beach? Or somewhere close to home?" Susan complained. "Even another weekend with Johnny and Dukey wouldn't be as bad as this!"

The two twin teens gave their father the "stink eye".

"C'mon girls!" their dad cheered. "You gotta get outta that lab once in a while and smell the flowers!"

"Dad," Mary returned. "There are no flowers out here. There nothing but pine trees, dirt and bears. I want to go back to civilization."

"We're not going back," their dad set his foot down. "The only way we will get any civilization for the next two days is if it drops out of the sky."

Just then they heard a roar of twin jet turbines. Looking into the night sky they saw a gold-plated jet come into view, out of which came down four huge crates, followed by two eleven-year-olds and a dog.

"Johnny?" Susan, Mary and their dad gasped.

First the crated crashed to the ground and on impact they exploded, spewing fancy, high-tech camping gear, including bigger fire. Then the two boys and dog parachuted into the camp, the canopies of their parachutes covering the two girls and man.

"Hi guys!" Johnny cheered. "You miss us?!"

"Bark!" Dukey "barked" so as not to surprise Johnny's dad.

"What in the heck are you, Dukey and… that Eugene kid doing here?!" Johnny's dad flailed his arms in the air.

"Bling-Bling Boy!" Eugene declared.

"We figured you all could need some help goofing off, so we brought everything every good camper needs to rough it out in the wild!" Johnny cheered, hugging his dad.

"All right…" Johnny's dad paused. "But what about your mother? She doesn't know you're gone does she?"

"Eh, we left her a note," Johnny answered. "I said that we went camping with you and the girls and that we brought clean underwear."

"I never thought I'd be happy to see Johnny, Dukey and… (sigh) Bling-Bling Boy," Susan said happily.

"YOU REMEMBERED!" Bling-Bling Boy cheered, now hugging his mega-crush.

Susan tried prying off the affectionate and creepy eleven-year-old from her body as the rest of the family laughed. Thus began a great Test family weekend vacation in the wilds of southwestern Montana.

* * *

R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!


	6. Plastic

Ohayo Tokyo! Konban wa New York! Konnichiwa London! CJzilla here with another chapter! In this chapter we find Johnny lost and alone, resembling something that happened to me as a child... (CJzilla shivers) Special appearences by Agent White and Agent Black and the whole of Porkbelly's voluneteer firefighter squad! Enjoy!

As I smash this city to pieces, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love one me, hate on me... I don't care.

* * *

Plastic

"DUKEY! DUKEY HELP!" came the plaintive cries of Johnny Test as he beat his fists on a wall of plastic.

Dukey, Johnny's talking dog and best friend heard his owner's cries for help.

"JOHNNY! Johnny, I hear you but I can't see you!" the dog called back, starting to panic. "Where are you?!"

From inside his plastic prison, tears were threatening to come out of the eleven-year-old's eyes.

"I-I-I don't know w-where I am!" Johnny cried back, wishing his friend was right beside him. "GET ME OUTTA HERE! Dukey! Please… GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

The dog's heart was inside his throat as his mind raced for options.

"Just stay put Johnny!" Dukey returned. "I'll go get help! Stay right where you are!"

"Hurry Dukey!" the boy called back. "I don't know… how much longer I can last!"

With a wave of panic shooting through the dog's body, Dukey ran to get anyone who could help his best bud. And the closest people to Johnny and him were inside the food area. Pushing open the door, Dukey bounded up to the table where Susan and Mary Test were seated.

"GUYS!" the talking dog's eyes were wide. "Johnny's in trouble!"

Susan and Mary looked up from their burgers and gave Dukey an unimpressed look.

"What?" Mary asked.

Dukey slapped his forehead.

"Johnny's in _trouble_!" the dog flailed his arms in the air. "Come quick!"

Susan scoffed.

"Can't he be in trouble after we finished our burgers?" the red head growled.

Dukey fell to his "knees".

"I told him not to wolf his burger that fast! I TOLD HIM!" the melodramatic dog cried. "But he didn't listen and now he's got a cramp and is stuck in that plastic prison!!"

Both super-genius twins sighed.

"We come to McBurger Prince once in a great while and what does Johnny do?" Mary waved her hand.

"Gets stuck in the plastic play area," Susan finished.

Yes, Susan, Mary, Johnny and Dukey were at a fast food restaurant. Apparently Johnny had wolfed his child meal and then raced off to the play area. Now, the spiky-haired eleven-year-old was stuck inside the plastic jungle gym.

The girls sighed again.

"Isn't Johnny a little too old for the play area?" Mary asked propping her chin up on her hand.

Dukey was panic-stricken.

"Who cares?!" the dog gasped. "He's lost and disoriented! You guys are his sisters! DO SOMETHING!"

The girls would usually tell the dog to keep his voice down since the world wasn't ready for a talking dog, but McBurger Prince was a different place. The people and employees of the chain fast food restaurant just didn't care.

"All right, all right," Susan got up from her chair. "Let's go get our annoying brother out of the play area."

Mary sighed and followed her sister and dog into the kids play area.

"Johnny! Johnny, I'm right here! And so are Susan and Mary!" Dukey yelled up the plastic slide. "Are you still alive?!"

There was silence from inside the plastic jungle gym. Dukey started to hyperventilate.

"Johnny's dead!" the dog fell on his stomach dramatically. "I knew I shouldn't have left him alone! It's all my fault!"

Susan and Mary rolled their eyes.

"Johnny," Mary called up the slide as she stepped over Dukey. "You're freaking Dukey out. You gotta come out."

Still nothing.

"Johnny?" Mary peeped, now getting concerned.

Susan huffed, pushed past Mary and stepped over Dukey.

"Johnny! This is stupid! People are starting to stare! Get you butt out here, NOW!" the girl fumed.

When she expected her idiot brother to slide down the slide and accuse her of being a wet blanket, alls Susan got was a groan that sounded almost like a death rattle.

"Johnny?" Susan peeped, now concerned.

Nothing.

"SEE?!" Dukey cried. "Johnny's dead!"

Okay. Now the twins were getting scared.

"What do we do?" Mary gasped. "Johnny's in deep!"

"Okay, okay, okay," Susan gulped. "We need help!"

Meanwhile inside the plastic jungle gym, Johnny was trying to survive. He was starting to hallucinate after ten minuets inside the plastic madhouse.

"Survivor's log entry number 67," the eleven-year-old said into an imaginary hand-held recorder. "It seems like an eternity since I last heard Dukey's voice. I can only hope that he got out safe and won't have to die a death that I am dying right now. Fate has always been good to me, but why now she decides to return the flowers, I don't know. All I know is, I won't last much longer in here."

It was dark, well dark red to be precise. The from the outside colorful plastic was a brilliant neon red, but on the bitter inside, it was a foreboding blood red.

"I've been up and down every porthole and corridor in this devil's play house. I tried retracing my steps, staying put and searching for another exit. But it's no good," Johnny continued mumbling into his hand. "I'm hopelessly lost. My prison taunts me and toys with my sanity. There are windows here, but they don't open and even though people see me, they wave at me. They think I'm some funny child having the time of his life in this sick death trap. I know I'm not the first nor last victim because I'm pretty sure I saw the remains of another gullible eleven-year-old down one of the crazy tubes."

He looked down a dark corridor of the jungle gym.

"How these plastic kid traps are legal, baffles me," Johnny said. "I'm hot and that kid meal I just wolfed down is starting to talk back to me. My only hope is in Dukey. Perhaps he can convince someone to-"

"Johnny! Johnny!" he heard a voice.

The eleven-year-old held his breath and he listed hard.

"Johnny!" there it was again!

It sounded like one of his sisters.

"Susan?! Mary?! Is that you?" the blond called back.

"Yes Johnny!" Susan's voice was distant. "We're here and we're working on a way to get you out!"

Johnny never was happier to hear his sisters' nasally voice.

"Hurry!" Johnny's voice was carried through the plastic jungle gym walls and down the slide to the rescue party outside. "It smells like feet barfed in here!"

From the outside of the play area Susan, Mary, Dukey, secret agents Black and White along with the local Porkbelly firefighting squad wondered what to do.

"It is a tragedy that your brother fell victim to these nasty fast food restaurant jungle gyms," Agent White expressed, a burger in one hand and a soda in the other. "My professional advice: Stay away from them. They smell like feet and little kid barf."

"Isn't your brother a little old to be in the jungle gym?" Agent Black asked the super-genius twins.

"Yeah, he is," Mary answered.

"Therein probably why he's stuck in there," Susan explained. "His eleven-year-old butt has gotten too big for those small spaces."

"But you gotta admit," Dukey defended, gesturing toward the play area. "Once you get hooked on these things, it's hard to turn back."

"I agree," secret agent Black smiled, holding a burger and fries. "I've been in the same situation as Johnny not too long ago. The rescue effort was tremendous but the headlines weren't so kind."

Dukey's mouth dropped to the ground.

"_YOU_ were the dude that was stuck in the kiddy slide at Patty Palace?!" the dog blurted out. "It took all of the volunteer firefighters in Porkbelly to pry you loose!"

The secret agent hung his head as the dog laughed.

"I'm still not allowed to _look_ at the Patty Palace without paying a fine," Agent Black pouted.

"Can we focus on Johnny?" Mary gestured. "My little brother's stuck like some rat and we have to be home by 2 or dad's gonna go supernova!"

Then Susan turned to the secret agents.

"Sorry to bug you two on your lunch break, Agents Black and White," she stated to the two eating agents, "but would you happen to have a military-grade flexible cable with a camera on the end?"

Agent White thought for a second.

"Does this camera on a cable have tiny wheels?" he asked.

"Yes," Susan returned.

"We have four of them," Agent Black returned. "They're in the super secret van. But… it would be a violation and abuse of _super_ secret military-grade rescue equipment…"

"Think about it," Dukey said to the two men. "We have a boy trapped inside a fast food restaurant play pen in need of rescue now! I say this is an emergency worthy of military-grade rescue equipment!"

Agent White and Black thought for a second.

"We'll do it!" the agreed.

Minuets later, the military-class rescue camera-on-a-cable was fed up the plastic slide.

"Johnny!" Mary shouted up the slide. "We're sending in a camera to find you! Stay put!"

Johnny heard his sister's voice and curled up into a ball.

"I am off of fast food restaurant play pens FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!" the eleven-year-old shouted to the heavens.

Just then something hit him in the side. Jumping, Johnny was surprised to see a round camera on wheels connected to a cable starring up at him.

"Susan! Mary! Dukey! Is that you?!" Johnny picked up the camera and shouted into it.

From the outside world, Dukey, Susan, Mary, Agent Black and Agent White got a visual on the eleven-year-old.

"Look!" Mary said pointing at the screen. "There he is!"

"Wait… Didn't we just send that camera thingy up there just two seconds ago?" Dukey questioned. "Then Johnny must be right by the slide! He's so close to freedom!"

"Dukey," Susan looked at the dog. "Got to the slide and tell Johnny to follow the camera cable."

The mutt saluted and ran into the play pen area.

"Johnny! Johnny, just look to your left! You're right next to the slide!" the dog shouted up into the plastic jungle gym.

"I'M HEARING VOICES!!" came the reply.

Obviously Johnny wasn't sane enough to find the way out. Dukey leaned out the door to the twins, secret agents and firemen waiting in the food court.

"Johnny's delusional," the dog said. "Is there another way we can get him out of there?"

Susan and Mary were at a loss.

"It's too risky to send more people in there," Agent White thought out loud.

"Isn't there something you firemen can do?" Mary asked to the nearest fireman.

"Well," the fireman replied. "We once saved a cat from a PBC pipe using codename: "Courtesy Flush"… But it's never been successful on a human…"

"We're desperate!" Susan pulled on her hair. "Just get him outta there!"

The fireman nodded.

"A'ite boys!" he shouted over his shoulder. "It's codename: "Courtesy Flush"! You all know what to do!"

Johnny was still yelling into that camera on a cable.

"-I'm not having fun!" the eleven-year-old told the camera. "You guys need to get me outta here before I get hungry again and start eating my own-…. Hey… What's that?"

The blond heard water, lots of water.

"Great!" Johnny crossed his legs. "Now I gotta pee!"

But before another word came out of his mouth, the eleven-year-old was "flushed" through the plastic jungle gym by hundreds of gallons of water.

Susan, Mary and Dukey stood in the food court, looking through the glass as the fire-hose pumped high-pressured water through the play pen.

"You think it'll work?" Dukey questioned Mary who was standing right next to him.

"It has to or our goose is cooked," Mary replied, frightened to think of what her dad might do to them all.

"With that much water pressure," Agent White voiced, eating his burger. "Nothing would stay lost for long."

And just like that, a soaked eleven-year-old was squirted out of the plastic jungle gym and onto the floor. The firefighters stopped the water and it was safe for everyone to go into the play area.

"Johnny! Johnny are you all right?" Dukey was the first at Johnny's side.

The blond spat out a mouthful of water before sitting up.

"I'M ALIVE!" he cheered. "Never let me do that again!"

"Don't worry Johnny," Susan put her hand on her brother's shoulder. "We'll make sure you never do that again."

"Hey everyone!" everyone heard Agent Black call to them. "I'm inside the jungle gym!"

"Inside" wasn't the term to be used. The man was stuck in the small plastic slide in the jungle gym. Everyone sighed.

"Better crank on the hose again," Agent White yelled out to the firemen.

The firemen cheered.

""Courtesy Flush" is a go!"

* * *

R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!


	7. Spring Tuesday

Ohayo Motherhopers! Apologies about the very, very late update, but I couldn't seem to get this last chapter of my fiction perfect... So here's the next and last chapter! Sad? Don't be. You'll see more of my work floating around the FanFiction Land archives. Enjoy!

As I crush this city under my monstrous feet, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Love, hate... I don't care.

* * *

Spring Tuesday

Today was tough. The day started out normal enough but around the Test family breakfast table, things started to get a little hairy. Johnny Test shuffled over to the table in a sleepy haze. Grabbing his favorite super-sugary marshmallow, chocolate cereal the eleven-year-old stared off into space as he poured himself a bowl. Dukey even stumbled into the kitchen. Yeah, not a good sign.

"'Mornin' Dukey," Johnny yawned filling up his cereal bowl with milk.

"'Mornin' Johnny," the talking dog returned, pulling out a kitchen chair and taking a seat at the table.

Both boys, looking like undead zombies sat in silence as they snapped out of sleep.

"Good morning guys!" Susan and Mary's voice blasted through the kitchen.

This early in the morning, Johnny and Dukey weren't ready for a scare. Both fell out of their chairs. The super-genius twin sisters pranced into the kitchen, set up with their favorite cereal and sat at the table with big smiles on their faces.

"Okay," Johnny crawled back up on his chair, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Why are you two so chipper this morning? Tuesday mornings are not supposed to be this happy."

Their little brother's remark didn't dampen the twins' spirits.

"Today's going to be a great day Johnny!" Mary cheered. "It's spring! It's time for new flowers to blossom and romance to fill the air!"

With that Susan and Mary shared a syrupy, love-struck sigh.

"Gil," they both sighed.

Normally his sisters' blatant refusal for courtesy around him didn't affect Johnny, but he was after all, eating.

"Aw man," the eleven-year-old gagged pushing his half-eaten cereal away from him. "Romance is gross! And why do you have to talk gross around the breakfast table?"

Ignoring him, Susan and Mary gave another fluffy sigh.

"You know, Johnny," Dukey stated. "Romance is not gross to girls. In fact, your sisters will probably be talking mushy romance stuff all morning."

Johnny made a face.

"So then we should get while the gettin's good," the blond replied.

"Exactly," the dog answered.

Both boys zipped out of the kitchen like the wind itself.

For the remainder of the morning up until the bus came and got Johnny, both eleven-year-old and Dukey sat on the front steps of their house. Johnny's thoughts were in an area he'd rather not go to.

"This stinks," the flaming-haired, blond boy moped. "Every spring it's like this. Why do girls _do_ this every spring?"

The eleven-year-old turned to his talking dog, who seemed to understand humanity, the world and girls far better than he did. Dukey paused, pressing his paw to his chin thoughtfully as he carefully chose the right words.

"Well Johnny," the mutt began. "Girls have a higher romance tolerance than us guys do. They also have something called expectations."

Johnny's face filled with fear.

"Are these "expectations" a chronic thing?" the boy asked, betting scared.

Dukey nodded.

"Women have them from the day their born 'til the day they die," Dukey answered. "It's bad news for us. Girls have expectations toward us dudes and if we don't fulfill them, well… let's just say…"

The dog paused for a second before he zipped into the blond boy's face and got intense.

"The women will make our lives a festering pit of woe and misery," Dukey pressed his forehead on Johnny's, staring the boy right in the eye. "You can forget about happiness! Women have a way of sucking out your spine and making you a spineless jelly sack!"

Slamming his hands over his eyes, Johnny dropped to his back and squirmed on the front steps for a few long seconds.

"Man! This stinks!" the eleven-year-old groaned. "I don't wanna be spineless! If that's the future I have to look forward to then-… I'm gonna… not… uh,… not… I'm not gonna grow old!"

Johnny folded his arms in a pout just as the bus pulled up. Dukey put a paw on his best bud's shoulder.

"There might be a solution to your problem though," the dog stated. "But it's pretty extreme, even for you."

Johnny jumped up, grabbed his dog by the ears and starred him in the face.

"What do I have to do? Dukey! This is my future! I'm not gonna be spineless!" the eleven-year-old cried.

Just then the neighborhood eleven-year-old girl, known as Sissy pranced up to the waiting school bus. Spotting her charming, though she'd never admit it, boy neighbor staring at his dog intently, a rare smile came to her face.

"Morning Test!" Sissy waved cheerily at the boy, back-pack over one of her shoulders.

"DROP DEAD YOU POSSUM FACED BABOON!" came the blond boy's reply as he shook a fist at her.

Frowning and making a promise to really pound the insults into Johnny's thick head today, Sissy huffed and walked on the bus.

Over his head being shook like a maraca, Dukey cringed at Johnny's bluntness with Sissy.

"That's exactly what's setting you up for a long life, Johnny," the dog pointed out. "You can't just scream insults at girls! They're sensitive!"

"What?" Johnny blinked, ceasing his zealous shaking of his dog's head. "Oh, that's just Sissy. I do it to her all the time!"

Dukey cringed again.

"What's with the face?" the eleven-year-old boy asked his dog. "Sissy's not a girly girl. She's not sensitive because she doesn't wear a skirt."

The mutt slapped his forehead.

"Just because Sissy doesn't dress like a girly girl, doesn't mean she's not sensitive," Dukey slapped Johnny's wrist and wagged a "finger" in his face. "Under that hardened, bossy, shrill, petty shell, lies the heart of a girly girl. First step to your future solution: be nice and courteous to Sissy."

The dog was now pushing the eleven-year-old to the bus. Johnny dug his heels into the cement, suddenly getting a cold sweat.

"WHAT?!" Johnny exclaimed. "I'm not gonna be nice and courteous! She's-… she's… she's _SISSY_! She's as nasty as a monster trashing Tokyo!"

"I bet my last squeak toy that the reason she's like that is because you constantly yell insults at her!" Dukey returned. "Be nice to her and she'll be nice to you!"

Johnny was now on the bus's first step, but he was hanging on to the door as Dukey pushed with all his might.

"I won't!" the eleven-year-old blond boy hissed. "There's no way I'm _gonna be nice_!"

Dukey strained as he tried to push his stubborn best friend into the bus.

"You _ARE_ gonna be nice or it's a long life for you pallie!" the dog returned.

Finally, like the lid of a shook up soda bottle, Johnny squirted into the bus. Sitting up on the dirty bus floor, he caught Dukey waving at him as the bus doors closed. Johnny zipped to the door and plastered his face on the glass.

"There's no way I'm gonna be nice!" he shouted at this dog, through the glass. "NO WAY!"

Then there was silence through bus as Johnny realized he had a yelly-fit in front of the neighborhood kids. Peeking over the first bus seat, Johnny saw all of the other kids looking at him. Then the bus driver cleared his throat.

"Can we get going without another episode, kid?" the caustic bus driver cocked a furry brow as Johnny got to his feet.

Johnny couldn't answer before he was insulted.

"Yeah Test!" Sissy called from her seat. "Save the creepy meltdown for school, that way it's justified as specimen study!"

A roar of laughter from the other kids as Johnny blushed and took a seat. Pressing his face to his seat's window, Johnny looked at Dukey with big, scared eyes. Dukey gestured for the boy to smile and then pointed at Sissy. Johnny sighed as the bus started moving again. Glaring back at the blond eleven-year-old girl, Johnny locked eyes with her for a second. Sissy gave him a triumphant, cocky grin as she flicked her ponytail. Johnny couldn't help but give her a heated glare that he could only hope would sear a hole through her forehead.

This was gonna be a long day of school.

First, second, third and forth period passed without much action. Johnny was still traumatized as he rolled the notion of being nice to Sissy around in his mind. He couldn't be nice to her! She was just too evil! Johnny was sure she slept in a coffin! _That's_ how nasty she was! But still he was thinking about his future and so, Johnny was either determined or crazy.

It was Porkbelly Middle School's lunch period and all the kids welcomed the relief. But for Johnny, the stress had only begun.

Getting his usual tray full of government food, the eleven-year-old blond boy took a look around the lunch room for… (groan) Sissy. Johnny finally spotted her, sitting by herself on the opposite end of the room. He quivered like he was staring down a death march.

"Okay Johnny," he whispered to himself, white knuckling on his lunch tray. "Sissy's born of complete evil, everyone knows that. But if you don't suck it up and be a man, you'll be a spineless jellyfish, just like Dukey said… Okay… here we go."

Johnny began walking over to Sissy. His movement caught the attention of one kid, then that another kid saw that kid staring and before long, the whole cafeteria was staring.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sissy caught movement. Looking up from her applesauce, her eyes widened when she saw who was standing there. There was Johnny Test, trying hard to pull of a happy smile as he was white knuckling on his lunch tray. Then Sissy caught the other kids of the cafeteria staring. Shooting them a venomous glare, the kids nervously went back to their food.

"What do you want Test?" the blond eleven-year-old girl hissed, the possum-faced baboon insult still fresh in her mind.

Johnny gulped.

"I-I w-wanted to know i-if I could have l-lunch with y-you?" he choked out, giving a strained smile.

Sissy blinked at him.

"Lunch? With me?" she repeated, then she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Why?"

Johnny was starting to sweat.

"B-B-Because," he mustered, trying to remember Dukey's advice. "Y-y-you a-are the… (groan) s-s-sweetest girl in the neighborhood and… I- (sigh)… would like to bask in your glory."

Now his smile was turning into something that looked like a nauseated fish. Sissy, part of her wanting to be flattered, another part wanting to be angry at the boy's face and the other was just suspicious. She gave into the latter.

"Yeah right Test," she folded her arms. "Why really?"

"I just told you why!" Johnny returned, not being able to contain himself further.

In his little tantrum, he accidentally tossed his lunch tray skyward. The lunch tray jetted out of the boy's hands and flew sky high. Time slowed down as the two eleven-year-olds saw the tray turn over and a wave of government food coming Sissy's way. Sissy had just enough time to shut her eyes as school food blanketed her.

The girl let out a yelp of surprise before she gave a low, primal growl.

"_Test_," Sissy snarled, wiping Eggplant casserole, applesauce and various canned veggies from her face.

"I didn't mean that!" Johnny gasped. "I meant to-!"

He yanked a napkin out from under Sissy's milk carton. The milk tumbled into the air before landing on Sissy's lap, soaking the crotch of her pants.

"I didn't mean that either!" Johnny pleaded.

Sissy's face turned red with anger as the cafeteria erupted into hysterical laughter. Getting up from her seat, the girl stomped passed Johnny to clean up.

The events of school went on like that for the whole day. Johnny tried to be courteous and polite but only ended up hurting and/or splattering something on Sissy. Needless to say, his good intentions went very, very, very, very wrong. And at the end of the day, Sissy hated Johnny more than she did this morning. When the bus came by to pick them up, Johnny estimated that he had one last time to show Sissy he could be sensitive. He parked his eleven-year-old rear at the front of the bus and placed his backpack on the seat. He was gonna get Sissy a seat! A totally chivalrous move that would get him wicked brownie points! Now, alls he had to do was wave her over. Simple right?

Filing in like the other kids, Sissy marched on the bus. Johnny spotted her immediately.

"OO! Sissy! Over here, Sis-!" he waved his arm in a circle.

He got her attention and a painful flick on his nose. Johnny fell back in his bus seat, hands clapped over his nose and yelping in pain. Sissy angrily ignored the boy's pain-laced whimpering and walked to a different seat.

"My _nose_!" Johnny cried.

"Ugh," the bus driver groaned. "Not you again. Are you gonna keep the regularly scheduled chaos down this time?"

Johnny sat up, blinking the tears out of his eyes and looked at the bus driver.

"Hey!" the eleven-year-old gasped like he solved cold fusion. "You're the morning guy! What are you doing here?"

The middle-aged man sighed.

"Just saving up to buy an island," the man returned.

With that profound statement circling his head, Johnny Test sat back in his seat as the bus' tires squealed into movement.

The bus ride to the neighborhood was kinda long, kinda short, Johnny was the wrong person to ask. Between the bus driver's comment and his Sissy predicament, Johnny's brain was full. The eleven-year-old stumbled off of the bus, happy to be where his brain could take a rest.

"You're such a lame-o," Johnny heard Sissy's voice behind him.

He jumped and whirled around. Sissy looked like she'd swallowed the worst lemon in history.

"Lame-o?" Johnny scratched his head. "What?! I'm not a lame-o!"

"Yes you are," Sissy glowered. "What's with you today? You've been extra annoying today… What? Is it a lame-o leap year?"

Insults just came naturally around the sassy girl. Johnny's mouth opened, but he stopped himself before he could say something stupid, further ruining his future. He held in his totally awesome insult as his face twisted terribly.

"Test? Are you okay?" Sissy asked, now concerned that he might have popped a synapse.

Johnny strained, keeping in the insult. But it was almost too much to handle. He writhed, keeping it in. With her neighbor's weird hopping around and funny face, Sissy got tired of Johnny being Johnny.

"Listen geek wad," Sissy grabbed the front of the eleven-year-old's shirt. "You owe me an apology. I still smell like Eggplant."

Insult... Burning… Can't… Breathe…! Johnny couldn't hold it in anymore.

"EGGPLANT-HAIR-WEDGE-PICKER-BUTT-FACE!!" it came out in a loud shout.

Johnny clapped his hands over his mouth and looked timidly at his neighbor. To his surprise, Sissy's eyes were quickly filling up with tears. Without another word, she dropped his shirt and ran home, crying.

"Sissy! Wait! I-… I didn't-… Aw man," Johnny hung his head.

Now he totally hurt her feelings. Johnny ran home to see if Dukey could help with his problem quickly growing larger and larger every time he opened his mouth.

The Test house wasn't easy to miss for the fact that there were over a million roses on the front lawn. Johnny had to make a path straight through the flowers to get to his front door. He busted in on an avalanche of roses.

"DUKEY!" the eleven-year-old shouted.

Then he heard his talking dog's paw-falls on the tiled kitchen floor as he scrambled to Johnny.

"WHAT? What is it?!" the talking fur ball looked over his best friend, noting the look on his face. "Gee, Johnny. You look like you just barfed on the president's lap."

Johnny looked at the dog.

"First of all, what's with the roses? Did a botanist truck wreck on the front lawn?" he asked curiously.

Dukey kinda smiled.

"Well, those million and a half roses are for Susan… from Eugene a.k.a. Bling Bling Boy," the dog returned.

Just then Mary, the second of the Test twins ran from the kitchen, sobbing uncontrollably and bawling her eyes out. Johnny sighed.

"Let me guess," the boy voiced. "Mary's upset because she can't get a boy to notice her even if she did wear a T-bone steak."

Dukey nodded.

"She's not happy that no boy, including desperate, rich, chubby super-geniuses, are interested in her," the dog watched the hallway Mary went running down. "So, it's the normal spring time! What's up with you?"

Johnny hung his head.

"I blew it today," he answered. "Every attempt I made on being nice to Sissy backfired. And just a second ago, I made her cry. Dukey, _WHAT DO I DO_?!"

"Flowers," the dog returned like it was no big deal. "Give Sissy some of Susan's roses. I'm sure your sister won't mind."

The eleven-year-old glanced down at the many roses around his feet.

"You think it'll work?" Johnny asked skeptically.

Dukey nodded.

"Flowers always make girls happy," then the dog bent down and got a bunch of roses in his mouth. "Now hurry up! I gotta give these to Mary so she'll stop her crying."

With that Johnny scooped up as many roses as he could carry and ran down the street to Sissy's house. He found her sitting on her back porch, angrily staring at the ground. Swallowing his fear and accepting that he may not walk away with all of his faculties, Johnny walked up to her. Opening his arms, he dropped about a hundred roses at Sissy's feet. The eleven-year-old girl jumped but her eyes darkened when she saw Johnny.

"I'm sorry," Johnny voiced before she tore out his throat, "for calling you names, dumping my tray on you and hurting your feelings. And for being a super, mega, ultra lame-o."

He winced, waiting for her to punch his lights out. But nothing came. He opened his eyes.

"What was with you today Test?" Sissy growled, arms crossed. "You were really pouring on the stupidity."

Johnny shrugged.

"I was trying to be nice, but everything horribly backfired," he explained. "So I'm sorry."

Sissy was still suspicious, but she plucked a rose from the ground and smiled.

"Okay Test, I forgive you," she stood. "But you tell no one, or they'll never find your remains."

She shook a fist in Johnny's face. Johnny gave a nervous smile.

"Agreed," he returned.

Meanwhile, Dukey was comforting a currently dateless Mary Test. Trotting into the lab, the talking mutt found his best friend's sister slumped over her super computer, still crying. Dukey sighed and walked up to the grieving girl. Setting down his drool-covered roses, he sat beside her for a long second.

"You know," Dukey began, clearing his throat. "Boys aren't all they're cracked up to be."

He gave a nervous chuckle. Mary bawled louder. This was going nowhere.

"Mary, listen," Dukey set a paw on her knee. "You're smart, sweet and caring. You're really attractive and someday, you're gonna find your perfect boy. And when that day comes, that lucky sap better know what he has because a girl like you only come along once in a millennium."

Mary wiped her eyes and looked at Dukey.

"R-really?" she beamed.

The talking mutt nodded.

"Yup!" he beamed. "Now stop crying and hiding your pretty face!"

Dukey froze as Mary threw her arms around him.

"You're so sweet Dukey!" the super genius beamed. "Thank you!"

The dog felt heat coming to his face as Mary released him.

"Cool!" Dukey floundered. "Now, let's go downstairs and tease Susan about Eugene!"

Mary nodded and laughed as the two walked out of the lab.

Yep. Just a normal Spring Tuesday.

* * *

It's been a scream boys and girls! CJzilla exits with these last words: R&R! LONG LIVE ROCK!


End file.
